waiting for normal
The parenting schedule I share with my ex husband has been in place for seven years. Except for the occasional work obligation or travel extension, my kids have spent the same days of the week at mom’s house, and the same days of the week at Dad’s house.
Summer or school time, long weekends, sports and extracurricular seasons…the schedule hasn’t changed. For kids who are products of divorce, a stable parenting schedule is one small gift of consistency we can provide our kids in an otherwise unstable environment.
So you understand my frustration when, despite my best efforts, I often find myself running out of the house to urgently supply a forgotten school folder, or pair of tennis shoes, that was left at the other parent’s house.
Regardless of my reminders, or better yet, my feeble attempts at proactively avoiding this issue all together (example: creating checklists, purchasing duplicate supplies to keep at each home, sending text reminders before they transition to a new house…I’ve tried everything!), something is always left behind. After seven years, I find it frustrating to experience the same behaviors each week.
I know what you’re thinking: it’s not the kids’ fault that they have to schlep between two houses each week. And I agree!
Although frustrating for me to have to stop what I’m doing throughout the day to transport a necessary item, I acknowledge that this is one small thing I can do to help ease the burden of divorce for my kids. Getting our family to the “new normal” requires us to practice patience and flexibility with our kiddos!
According to an article published in the Chicago Tribune, it can take 2-5 years on average for blended families to find their new normal. And as many as 10 years for some families!
Given that context, I’d say we’re doing ok! Sure, my kids aren’t as organized as I would like them to be all the time. But they’ve come a long way since we started our blended family journey years ago! They’ve had a lot to adjust to over the years, and are showing tremendous growth!
When I’m selfishly prioritizing my own needs, I am less patient with others. By acknowledging the endurance and fortitude needed to get our blended family to the “new normal” I find I am more accepting of others perspectives! And more willing to accomodate a few small inconveniences.
Striving to be a considerate parent doesn’t mean our kids’ no longer have to practice responsibility and accountability (I won’t always be available to bring them their missing items!); rather, it *teaches everyone how to be better listeners, better communicators, and even more inclusive and adaptable partners! What great lessons our kids can apply in both their personal and even professional lives!
Feeling discouraged by your family’s inability to get to a “new normal”? Have hope! Although it takes time, the journey is producing growth and adaptability in both you and your children!
*Looking for a fun way to teach your kids accountability and acceptance? Consider these fun Bible devotionals from Kids of Integrity.
Real-life example from our eldest this week.
